“If you spill the wine, I will punish you.”

IMG_1434[1]What to read: 50 Shades of Grey
What to drink: White wine, possibly dribbled from an acquaintance’s mouth

“Are you thirsty, Anastasia?” he asks, his voice teasing.

…He leans down and kisses me, pouring a delicious, crisp liquid in my mouth as he does. It’s white wine… It tastes all the more divine because it’s been in his mouth.”

You, too, can have adorable moments like this! All you need is some wine, a willing partner, and an inability to be grossed out by spit! Mmm, slobber wine. How romantic.

I am going to go out on a limb and declare alcohol to be one of the themes of 50 Shades of Grey, right behind bad decision making and stalker-like behavior (can the three be related? Why yes, they can). From Ana’s tequila-fueled parking lot puke fest, to the Charlie Tango champagne, to this, erm… business with the white wine. Although, I think E.L. James knows as much about wine as I do (e.g. not very much), because it mostly is described as “crisp and delicious.”

Spitting is real sexy.

Spitting is real sexy.

Wine not good enough for your E.L. James binging? The internet is rife with cheesy-themed cocktails for this romantic “thriller.” 50 Shades of Grey Goose. Suit and Tie. Kinky Fuckery on the Rocks. There’s even this one that’s actually several shades of grey (leaving it looking a little like mop water). Bonus! You can garnish it with a licorice whip for an authentic look!

The first installment of the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy hits theaters this February. You can bet any Ladies On The Shelf viewing parties will include lots and lots of booze (I don’t know if I could sit through it without!).

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