Jessi weighs in on her bookish fancies – but with a twist! For our final Valentine’s crush list, she offers some boys off the beaten path.
Wait, Jessi, does this mean you’re not going to make your own list? How utterly devastating! Of course, I’m going to make a list, sillies. However, my list is like a list of alternates. Check it…
Imagine you see some dudes up to some shady shenanigans in some seedy back alley and you wished there was a team of crime fighting studs to be there to kick some major hiney, but the Ninja Turtles were tired from last night’s late night pizza binge fest, Prince Charmont was busy with some odious ogres, and Mr. Rochester is still recovering from that nasty little house fire so the Universe sends to you…Quail Man. Weird, but also kind of cool, right? (Oh, and maybe call the grammar police as back up. That run-on sentence is a crime, yo.)
Without further ado, here’s my list of randoms in no particular order.
- Oliver Wood (Harry Potter series, J.K. Rowling)
Burly, focused, inadvertently hilarious, Quidditch-obsessed piece of perfection. He’s definitely a keeper.
Crushworthy: “Bad news, Harry. I’ve just been to see Professor McGonagall about the Firebolt. She – er, got a bit shirty with me. Told me I’d got my priorities wrong. Seemed to think I cared more about winning the Cup than I do about staying alive. Just because I told her I didn’t care if it threw you off, as long as you caught the Snitch first.”…Okay, so he’d probably neglect you or bore you to death with long-winded Quidditchy monologues, but you’ve gotta admire that kind of dedication. Plus, he turned pro. We’re talkin’ professional athlete, people. Yes.
- Jason “Freak” Milwaukee (Freaks Like Us, Susan Vaugt)
Real, faithful, strong, schizophrenic. It has been proven that his freckles do not, in fact, taste like chocolate.
Crushworthy: Sometimes, the world he sees is completely bleak and chilling, but, boy, does he love his Sunshine beautifully.
- Dave the Laugh (Georgia Nicolson series, Louise Rennison)
He’s not a musician, nor is he a hunky Italian; he’s just your typical bloke caught in the friend zone. And he’s a laugh, duh.
Crushworthy: Excellent snogger.
- Carter Jax (Sophie and Carter, Chelsea Fine)
I usually hate novellas because the characters often lack depth. However, I’m strangely obsessed with this guy. He makes my heart all achey. Carter is reverent and thoughtful and sad and my inner teen heart will pine for him forever.
Crushworthy: He will hold your hand while he sits with you on your porch swing. Every night. HOLD MY HAND, CARTER JAX! Hold it like you hold friggin my heart.
- Hunter of the Moon (Comanche Moon, Catherine Anderson)
I have to dedicate this one to my grandma. This book is exactly the kind of book she stashed all over her house. You know the type, paperback novels with the huge, hulking über hunk on the cover. That’s totally Hunter.
Crushworthy: IT IS WAS IT IS, OKAY?