Caitlin’s Top Five Literary Crushes

Caitlins copy of The Princess Bride

A book so well-read, the spine fell apart. Wuv, twoo wuv.

For our next Valentine’s Day installment, Caitlin confesses that she’s in love with a pirate. The Pirate.

There’s something utterly fanciful about a man in print. What’s better than a man you create your mental image of? No matter how close casting comes for the movie version, they never seem to match my mental feelings juuuust right. (Note that some of my favorites do have movie versions – Princess Bride aside, The Time Traveler’s Wife movie utterly lacked passion and chemistry. And I refuse to see The Fault in Our Stars movie, because how could you mess with such perfection?)

My favorite authors have painted their characters into life with such vivid words that they become real. You cry when they cry, you triumph when they triumph. And of course you fall in love with them – how could you not?

  1. Westley (The Princess Bride, S. Morgenstern/William Goldman)
    Handsome, mysterious and even in the written version, I can picture him as young (e.g. still hot) Carey Elwes. And let’s not forget his wit.
    Crush worthy: “’Stop talking about the Countess. As a special favor. Before you drive me maaaaaaaad.’ Buttercup looked at him. ‘Don’t you understand anything that’s been going on?’ Buttercup shook her head. Westley shook his too. ‘You have never been the brightest, I guess.’”
  2. Augustus Waters (The Fault in Our Stars, John Greene)
    No book has ever made me feel so alive. Part of the joy and pain (as Westley – from the above –reminds us, “Life is pain”) of that journey was falling in love with Augustus Waters, his boyish charm and his wry sense of humor. He was so alive, so eager to embrace love and experience and joy.
    Crush worthy: “I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.”
  3. Henry DeTamble (The Time Traveler’s Wife, Audrey Niffenegger)
    He was tall, dark and handsome, had a penchant for both punk and politics, and loved the opera. Despite the fact that the man had, well, a problem being present in his relationship, Henry was passionate and loved Claire fiercely. They had this incredible chemistry that made it all make sense why she’d put up with his disappearances. The movie simply does not do this justice.
    Crush worthy: He was a librarian!
  4. Koschei Bessmertny (Deathless, Catherynne Valente)
    Mysterious, magical and utterly dark and brooding. And oh, did he have a way with words. He was so demanding, often rude, even cruel with his words – but they never, not for a second left any doubt that he had enduring, passionate attachment to his volchitsa. Most of all, I want him to feed me supper.
    Crush worthy: He could make anything sound appealing – even suffering. “I savor bitterness – it is born of experience. It is the privilege of one who has truly lived.” (Note that Erin’s favorite Koschei quote is better, but I found this to be a prime example of the passion with which Koschei lived and spoke).
  5. Cullen Witter (Where Things Come Back, John Corey Whaley)
    While this book was not my favorite thing I’ve read in the last year, Cullen Witter makes this list because he is my real-life type. He loved to read, write and much like me, he had an over active imagination. Through his struggles, he never lost his sense of humor and he did his best to take care of everyone. Cullen Witter is the real deal, people.
    Crush worthy: He kept lists of fake titles for books. (So do I.)
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